then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
