Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
this will be a night to untag.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
