There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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