what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
