Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize