I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
