My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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