have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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