i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
