Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
