well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
