She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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