Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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