im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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