Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
