Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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