Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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