He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
