Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
