I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
