Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
