i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it's not cheating when I paid for it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
