Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
