where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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