I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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