I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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