That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
