I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
