im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
