i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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