Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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