I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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