thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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