You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
