Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
