this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
