I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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