Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
