I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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