For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
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I didn't notice because vodka
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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