i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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