she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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