Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
