woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
