Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
