Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
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i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
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of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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