I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize