The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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