I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize