There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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