my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
