Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
