I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
