You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
