He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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