I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
