Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
