When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
