my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
