i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize