So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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