when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
