he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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