3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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