I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
