woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
