i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
