this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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