I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
