No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
