Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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