I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
