I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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