Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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