I could have mohawked her pubes.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
