some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So vagazzling was a success
as a side note pls kill me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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