I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
