He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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