Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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