I met the friendliest cop last night
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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