just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
