I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
