People in love make me want to vomit
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
